Entry 15
I’ve definitely gotten in to the routine now and getting better at meditation too. My problem was (especially in the early morning) falling asleep. There’s such a fine line between being in that clear state of mind and awareness and dosing off. The key for me was to somehow support myself as I was toppling over, which I was doing quite a lot. I would exert a little tension in my arms making them a pillar for the upper body.
Everything was essentially the same today other than that in the afternoon I was Ajahn’s attendant. A group of people would take turns in the space of about 2 hours to ask Ajahn for guidance about personal issues. According to the rules, a monk cannot be alone with a woman so he would need another monk or man to be present. The questions were mostly related to careers, businesses and all sorts of life’s complications.
At first I found it contradictory for them to expect a monk to provide guidance to such questions at a retreat like this where many of the teachings around the not-self and letting go directly opposed the premise of those questions. Ajahn J. made a good point and general advice to me that we should not judge the questions or people themselves (as they almost always involve aspects of money or ego) but focus on how the decisions they make will affect their mental state and how it will form the basis of their moral compass going forward.
Another thing that came to mind was how uniquely Thai this whole thing was. In Western cultures I guess you’d have the so-called “experts”, life-coaches, self-help books, psychiatrist and what not. Instead in Thailand, people end up going to witch-doctors, fortune tellers and often times monks for similar purposes.
Ajahn Jaya would often ask about the intentions behind those decisions and when put in perspective of the Dhamma, the answers would often reveal themselves. There were some other questions related to meditation techniques as well but I didn’t think they were very interesting. My legs were definitely dead by the end though as I had to sit in the papiap pose the whole time. There was a 15 minute break between each group so it was perfect for switching sides.