I thought this would be a good point to reflect again on the experiences thus far as I will soon be departing for my final destination and where the true journey begins. It couldn’t have been more obvious how out of my depth I was during the previous few days. Initially what I struggled with most were of the physical nature. They were mostly related to the ritualistic part of the practice as they required me to sit in positions that I was not used to for long periods of time.

The morning chanting sessions begin with homages to the Buddha, the Dhamma (teachings of the Buddha) and the Sangha (the monk community). These chants take almost half an hour and as a monk you’re expected to do them on your knees and toes. Growing up abroad, one rarely encounters situations where you have to do this for any length of time. In preparation I spent a few weeks practising this at home on the floor and the longest I could persevere in that pose was almost 10 minutes. This turned out to be woefully inadequate for the amount of time that was actually required and would end up being a struggle until the very end of my practice.

Another posture that I had completely forgotten about was the papiap, which is a uniquely Thai way of sitting where one leg is folded sideways pointing backwards. It took a while to get used to as it puts a surprising amount of strain on your back but this was possible to alleviate. You could switch sides as only one foot is pointing backwards at any one time so you can share the strain between the both knees and sides of the back. As a monk you only have to be careful to not reveal your private parts when switching sides as you’re essentially wearing a long skirt without underwear.

Sitting cross-legged would prove to be surprisingly difficult, by virtue of the fact that you often have to do it for long periods of time. Growing up in South-East Asia, sitting on the floor cross-legged in itself was fine. Try doing it for an hour meditating though and you definitely start to feel some tension in the knee or knees which would never seem to dissipate until you got up. This would also prove to be problematic the entire time I was a monk.

Suffering of the body was most immediate and pronounced whereas the suffering of the mind would be more latent and require some time to contemplate. The first worry was around my conduct as a monk, and the fear of embarrassment from behaving incorrectly. I had become a monk very suddenly and I didn’t really know what I was doing. Monks are reserved and inconspicuous by nature and in a different environment I would be none the wiser to my various mishaps (unless my actions were obviously deplorable). However I was very lucky that I had a senior monk who I could openly talk to in Chiang Mai and ask to highlight my misdemeanours.

One particular episode that will stay with me was the very first chanting session when I didn’t have any idea about what I was suppose to be saying and decided to try and blag it. It was purely out of embarrassment and the assumption that I should’ve known the words and can’t let it be known otherwise. However a layperson right beside me noticed straight away and handed me the book opened at the right page.

From that I gleaned a few things. First of all I consoled myself that there was no way that I could’ve known any of it and openly admitted it at the interview later on. This was my second week after all. But also I should not have tried to blag it like I did as there was no reason to in the first place. There was no way that what I did would be sustainable. The worst thing about it was in some ways it was belittling the rituals of the tradition. These people turned up and did what they did because they are faithfully following those practices and for a monk to pretend to go along with it felt awfully ignorant in hindsight. I had placed my fear of embarrassment and ego before the practice itself.

The most important realisations would also come with ridding myself of that sense of self-importance. One aspect that I initially found hard to grasp was the act of prostrating in front of more senior monks and then being prostrated to by laypeople. With a western mindset I had seen it as severely outdated and almost barbaric for it to still be a thing in the 21st century.

However I had to be reminded by another monk to remove myself from that perspective. The laypeople were not paying respects to me, this person. They were paying respects to the practice itself. Once I heard that it became crystal clear that I had the wrong views to begin with. Instead it was a humbling reminder that I was merely a symbol of a practice and there was no “me” in that. This practice has been around for over two thousand years. In time this generation of Buddhists will suffer the cycle of old age, sickness and death. However the next generation of lay Buddhists will still be prostrating to the next generation of monks. We are mere snapshots in this perpetual cycle.

Once I managed to rid myself of these held views of the self, the understanding and feelings of compassion would easily manifest themselves when prostrating before a more senior monk. Just as the laypeople were not prostrating to “me”, I was not just prostrating to that individual monk either. Instead I was paying respects to the fact that he was an even more determined symbol who was on the same path as us all.

In western cultures we are strongly conditioned to view the world as an empowered individual and that our own interests reign supreme. It is no surprise then that society is suffering from a drought of empathy and compassion. One thing I learnt was that there were few better ways to cultivate humility than to prostrate before a symbol that reminded us that we would all face the same inevitable truth of old age, sickness and death, and that there was a right away to go about dealing with it all.

An aspect which would stand out to foreigners and secular people would be the great number of ceremonies and rituals as part of the practice. I had taken it all for granted since most Thais would be familiar to a certain extent to the rituals and chants in a Buddhist monastery. However to foreigners or non Buddhists it might all seem very archaic. What I would try and encourage though is for onlookers to see this with an open mind and if possible view things from the perspective where there are no personalities and egos. Author UpapanPosted on 2020-07-22Tags monkhood, reflection Post navigation